Struggling to Maintain a Consistent Gratefulness Practice? This Shift May be for You

An Integrated Gratefulness Practice Over List Making

I recommend working on engaging in an integrated gratefulness practice when you can over writing out a list of things you’re grateful for at the start or end of each and every day. Here's why…

I find when clients try to write out a specific list during a set time, using a set number of items, this can become more of a chore in the way that they avoid it, forget to do it, and then experience guilt when they do not follow through. For some this guilt can lead into experiencing shame, which we know reduces motivation to do the thing we initially set out to do. 

What to do Instead

Instead of asking clients to make a list that will often become repetitive and can even veer into focusing more on the difficult parts of their day, I ask them to begin noticing when even the tiniest of things are going well for them and sitting with that experience and any positive feelings associated with it for a moment. This way of practicing gratefulness helps prepare us to utilize gratefulness in the times we need it most.

Benefits of a Gratefulness Practice 

Noticing the small things throughout the day that go our way and the little moments we can appreciate helps train our brain to focus more on the positive. This practice of increasing focus on what is going well and taking time to feel the positive experience in your body will eventually become habitual and can help to improve our mood over time. In EMDR therapy terms, this can help us build our positive internal resources, to be drawn upon while working through trauma and other adverse life experiences from our past.

Gratefulness versus ‘Toxic Positivity’

The clarification here between this practice and ‘toxic positivity’ as I understand it, is that you are not ignoring what did not go well and diminishing how you feel about the difficulties you experience. You are allowing difficult feelings to exist and providing yourself with validation when needed, while also taking the time to notice even the smallest of moments when you experience positive feelings like peace, satisfaction, contentment, confidence, and so on.

Responding with Self-Compassion

Focus on finding small things you are grateful for throughout the day and sit with the positive feelings you experience if this is comfortable for you. Give yourself credit each time you remember to do this and avoid beating yourself up when you do not. When you skip the practice, respond instead with self-compassion and practice again when you feel able to. As always when it comes to your healing journey, do what works best for you! 

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