How to Choose a Therapist: 8 Tips on Getting Started in the Therapy Process

As a therapist who goes to therapy, a question I hear often outside of my office is, how do you choose the right therapist? Whether you are becoming curious about therapy for the first time or have engaged in sessions in the past but have not felt a successful connection with a therapist you’ve met with, you may be wondering, how do you know that you’ve found the right therapist for you? 

There is not a one size fits all answer for this question, however I can provide from my professional experience as a therapist and personal experience as a client, some factors I believe are most important to consider when searching for a therapist who might be a good fit for you and getting started in the therapy process.

1. Consider Therapist Credentials, Trainings, and Experience 

When going into therapy for a specific concern, it can be helpful to research the therapist’s credentials, trainings, and experience to make sure that what they know and specialize in best aligns with what you are coming in for. There are so many opportunities for advanced trainings that therapists can choose to engage in and specific areas they can choose to specialize in. Therapists can say they are ‘trained’ or ‘have training’ in specific areas, which can vary (for example) from a 1 hour training to an extensive year long course in a method of treatment or specific concern. Do not hesitate to ask them how much experience they have in working with the concerns you are coming in with or treatment method you are looking for prior to that first session. This can help ensure they have the proper trainings and experience to work with you on what you are coming in for help with. 

2. Consider Your Specific Needs and Ask About The Therapist’s Ability to Meet Those Needs

Furthering on this last point, each individual has their own needs and preferences when it comes to treatment. In order to make sure you are working with someone who can best help you, whether the therapist is able to meet your needs including available scheduling times, affordability, accessibility, relatability, and any other needs or preferences you may have is an important factor to consider. Most therapists will provide an initial consult call free of charge in order to determine these factors over the phone prior to booking an appointment. If not listed on their website, you can reach out to ask if this is something the therapist you are wanting to work with provides. I recommend having a list of questions written out as the calls can go by quickly and it is easy to forget important questions we may have had once the conversation gets started. 

Some clients may feel uncomfortable asking the therapist about cost or if a sliding fee scale is available, however most therapists understand this is a very important factor. If therapy results in financial distress due to the cost of the services being outside of what you are reasonably able to afford, the distress it is causing may outweigh some of the benefits. Many therapists have referrals on hand for providers who use a sliding fee scale or insurance companies if they do not do so themselves. You can also always contact your insurance company directly to find out specific providers that are in network.

3. Identify What is Most Important to You Currently 

It is not uncommon that someone comes into an initial therapy session with several ideas on what they want to work on in the therapy process. Often the concerns intertwine and we are able to identify how we can work on them collectively, while breaking down the priorities in order to ensure the best use of our time together. That being said, sometimes you may be coming in with a specific concern that is prioritized above the rest. It is important to keep this concern in mind and ensure that the therapist you are working with is skilled in this particular area. If this specific concern is outside of that therapist’s wheelhouse, although you may be a good match in other areas, it may end up being that they need to refer you to another provider to keep you from missing out on a crucial part of your recovery process. In order to save time, it can be helpful to identify and ask about these specifics on the initial consultation call. 

4. Ask the Tough Questions

It can be hard to ask the therapist questions in the beginning, especially for anyone going into therapy struggling with people pleasing tendencies or social anxiety in the first place. However, a good therapist welcomes questions and also wants to be sure that you are a good fit with what they are able to offer you. If you feel you are being shut down or the therapist appears annoyed or frustrated during the consultation call by any of the questions being asked, this may be a major red flag and a sign to walk away and continue looking elsewhere. If after having your questions answered you do not feel that this person or the methods they use are the best fit for you, you can politely thank them for their time and let them know if you want to reach out in the future you will do so. You should never feel pressured to book an appointment. Again, a good therapist wants you to find a fit that feels best for you.

5. Consider How You FEEL with The Therapist

Do you feel heard? Validated? Like you can be honest? Do you feel judged or confused without feeling able to ask for clarification? Does it feel like the therapist ‘gets you’? I believe this felt sense of comfort and connection versus discomfort and disconnect is something that we can usually intuit on some level within the first 1-2 sessions. Even if expressing yourself or sharing with others is generally outside of your comfort zone, I believe there is a difference in feeling uncomfortable with the process versus uncomfortable with the responses of the person sitting in front of you. I recommend trusting your gut on this one. I’ve often worked with clients who have told me they saw red flags with their therapist early on but felt bad changing therapists and decided to power through, often resulting in regret. This is your time and money and you want to get the most out of this experience! Just like in any other relationship, the red flags in the beginning often become the reasons we have to end it in the end. Do not be afraid to decide to try a different route if you are noticing the person is not a good fit for you within the first several sessions. 

6. Give Therapy a Solid Try

All of that being said, if you have a good connection with the therapist, you feel safe and comfortable in their space, they have the appropriate credentials and trainings to meet your specific needs, and you’re finding yourself wanting to give up on the process early on, it may be you are just in need of more time to feel like the process is working for you and helpful to stick it out a little longer. In the beginning, for a variety of reasons, it is not uncommon to find ourselves wanting to stop going to therapy altogether. 

One common reason for starting and then stopping the therapy process early on is the relief we may feel after having purged our initial concerns to someone. This sometimes makes the issues seem less pressing, feeling like we got it out of our system and that maybe that was all we really needed to do. Generally though, these same issues will continue without adequate time spent working through them as those initial positive feelings often eventually fade. Another reason people may start and then stop is because after sharing our story with the therapist, we feel like we don’t know what to do with that overwhelming amount of information we just provided. The thing is, this is where your therapist comes in, it is not your job to know where to take things, it is ours. If you have an agenda for what you want to work on, the therapist can absolutely be there for that. But if all you have is your story or an idea of what you’re struggling with and no idea where to go with it, a skilled therapist is there to guide you through how they can help you based off of their specific skill set. 

7. Know When and How to Walk Away

If you ultimately decide that the therapist you’re working with is not a good fit for you or you are not ready or able to engage in the process of therapy at this time for any other reason, it is absolutely okay to decide to step away (with an adequate safety plan if needed) and to communicate that to the therapist you are working with in whatever way feels most comfortable for you. As a therapist myself who cares deeply for the clients I work with, I always appreciate some sort of information on why the client is stepping away if possible. Sometimes I am able to work with the client myself if it is due to scheduling or cost concerns or provide a more appropriate referral. 

If you feel the therapist is not the best fit for you, it is absolutely okay to let them know you are going to continue seeking out someone who is. Mostly, we just want to know that you are getting the help you need no matter where it’s from and are hoping if you did not find it with us that you find it elsewhere as we ultimately want you to do what is best for you!

8. Keep Searching Until You Find the Right Relational Fit For You

Finding the right therapist is not always an easy process and it may take some time and patience to find the right one for you. Research shows that the most important indicator of success in treatment is the rapport with the therapist. In other words, your relationship with the person you are working with matters most and above all else you want to find someone you trust, feel safe with, and feel heard by in order to in time see the results you are looking for. If you have not yet found this, I hope that you continue to search for the right fit for you, when you do find someone you connect with who is able to help you meet your goals it is often well worth the process!

For more information on scheduling individual therapy in Greenville, South Carolina, please message me below. I look forward to speaking with you soon!

*This website (healingvalleyscounseling.com) and the information it contains are not a substitute for therapy. This site is not meant to provide treatment advice, only to share general psychoeducational information. Please see the disclaimer section for more information.